It’s not over yet.

“How are you?” seems to be the number one question asked ever since I came home from my time in Albania. I usually answer with the proper phrase that Albanians who spoke English were taught to say:
“I’m fine, thanks.”

Honesty time: I’m not fine. I’m broken and sad. I miss my team. I miss the relationships I cultivated while on the field. I miss the ignorance and apathy I used to be able to live in comfortably (yeah, I know that that’s not the best thing to miss).

I feel like I have just gone through a breakup or lost a close friend (I might be a little dramatic).

While on the field, I experienced some of the hardest lessons I have ever learned. And they were beautiful.

Before my trip, I thought I understood what daily ministry was like and what missionaries went through. I was so incredibly wrong.

I could have never learned the things God taught me these past two months through a sermon or someone else’s testimony. I had to experience them for myself. The experiences Jesus gave me showed me just how little I knew and know about God and ministry.

Im honestly upset at these two months. Why? Because God just waltzed right into my comfortable life, wrecked my plans, and lit a burning desire in me so consumingly bright, that I will not be able to ever return to my apathetic Christianity and be satisfied with it.
My new desire for Him is like a wildfire that I can’t quench or tame. I’m upset because God is calling me and I want to answer so badly. . . But if I do, I know I will never be the same. And that’s terrifying.

So here’s where I have to make the decision. Do I go back to my everyday life and quiet the longing for God in my heart? Or do I let this new fire consume me and follow passionately after Christ?

Do I go back to mediocre religion or do I pursue intimacy with God?

Please pray for me as I make this decision as I pray for God to put the same desires in you!

Much love!
Karson W.