I am love.
I am love. Three simple words with so much meaning.
For a very long time, I had such a hard time understanding my self-worth. In school, I often fell victim to a lot of bullying, which obviously did a number on how I viewed myself and who I was as a person. And after all of my confidence had been completely demolished from that season in my life, it took a while for me even to attempt to build it back up again. Something that I have always struggled with is loving myself and trying to comprehend why God would ever love someone like me. I had been told by my peers that I was worthless, fat, ugly, stupid, the list could go on and on. So if all that was said to be true, how could I also be fearfully and wonderfully made by our creator? It didn’t add up.
Over the years I slowly started to build my confidence up little by little. Of course, it’s not been an easy road, but I’m getting there. I really am. During this trip, the Lord has made it known to me that I have quite a bit to work on. I am still scared to put myself out there. I even get scared to confront little kids at the schools we go to because I am worried that they won’t like me, or will not want to play with me. That is pretty sad. But the Lord has been making it a point to get me to understand my self-worth.
One of the things that I have learned during this trip is the power of the Holy Spirit. It has been amazing to see the Holy Spirit send messages from other people to me. Last night we had something at the church called “Night of Worship’, which is pretty self-explanatory. During this time everyone on my team was in a circle, and the people who live in Costa Rica stood around us. Randy (one of our translators) felt the Lord call him to say a couple of words to me. He stood directly in front of me, looked right into my eyes and said: “You are love.” Then he placed one of his hands on my shoulder and said it again. “You are love.” Now, these words seriously hit me like a ton of bricks, and as he continued to speak to me, I realized that these words were really from the Lord. He said, “You are a daughter of the Lord. You are love. I know you think that people don’t like you, but you need to stop because you are love. The Lord created you so that when you walk into a room, you will fill the room with love. Because you are love“. Woah. What a powerful thing to say about anyone. But let alone me. Why would anyone, let alone the creator of the world Love someone as broken as me? Then I came across this passage in Matthew, and I encourage you to read this aloud so you can let these words sink in.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for, in the same way, they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Matthew 5:3-12)
We are so incredibly broken. But God allows us to be brought down so that through him we can be lifted up again. God loves me, and he loves you too. Don’t let the little voice in the back of your head tell you that you aren’t good enough. Be filled with the love and grace of the Holy Spirit. Through God, I am love. I am a daughter of the one true king. And because I am full of God’s love I can be able to pour out that love to the people that are are empty. I encourage all of you to truly take a moment to understand that you are love. I just wanna leave you guys with one of my favorite quotes for you to think over. “Love others so radically they wonder why.” Do your actions reflect those of the Lord’s? Are you filled up enough with God’s love that you can pour it out to other people?
Trip Update: This past week or so has been so crazy. My patience has definitely been tested over and over and over again. My team has really been rolling with the punches, like vans breaking down, lots of rain, and lots of lots of physical labor but we are having such a great time serving the Lord. Some of the ministry we have done so far have been: cleaning a nursing home, working has a recycling plant, evangelism at parks and home visits, cleaning other ministries, cleaning house host church, working at nearby schools, and many other things. On Monday we were able to explore beautiful San Jose, which is about a house away from our host site. It was so cool to be able to see the culture, go shopping, and eat a lot of good Costa Rican food. We also got to opportunity to work with Micah (a missionary from the U.S) who took us to a Christian dance studio in San Jose called “House of Raw.” It opened my eyes to see worship in a whole new way, and I met some of the most talented people I have ever seen. (seriously, I did not feel worthy to stand in the same room as most of the dancers there. What an amazing gift!). Again, please continue to pray for my team was we continue to serve the wonderful people of Costa Rica!
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