Friends,
When I applied for this trip I thought I was being called because the Lord wanted me to go spread the gospel and to love on his people, that this was a reward for being obedient to him the past year. I was shut down, when I started feeling spiritually drained, and completely disconnected from the Lord. Do I really even have a purpose here?
So, for the past few days I’ve put on my armor of God and have clung onto Matthew 6:16-18. I longed to know God in a different way and to hear him, I ached to be one with the Holy Spirit, I needed a breakthrough, I needed direction, I begged for peace. So on the 14th I had my first 24 fast from food and wifi, thank you Kelly Fuhs for encouraging me to take this step and doing it with me. I was desperate to hear God’s voice, only to feel the conviction that I’ve always heard His voice and I just never listened.
Emma Vollands then encouraged me to read the book of Esther during the 24 hour fast where I heard God again, he challenged me. Esther 4:16. I then went from a 24 hour fast to a 3 days fast extending to the 15th and the 16th, I would skip lunch to spend time with the Lord, and still have no social media and wow…. my flesh was weak, I was so hungry. But He carried my weakness and used it to break me, fulfilled my hunger with the fruits of the Holy Spirit, I’m so thankful the Lord wrecked me… but He didn’t let me suffer. He carried me out of my tomb of my own plans, regrets, failures, and rose me from the dead. I wish I could say I was called to Guatemala to change the world, that I lead hundreds of people to Christ, but I was the one who found true healing this week.
I trust Him with every ounce of my life, even the parts I use to fight him for. I use to just confess this with my mouth, but now I confess it with my heart… Jesus, you can have everything, I trust you.
You took off your former way of life, the old self that was corrupted by deceitful desires. You are being renewed in the spirit of your minds, you put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and the purity of truth.
Ephesians 4:22-24
