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Goodbye, Thailand

There have been numerous days that I’ve sat down with a pen and paper, and the intention of writing a blog post, but ended up staring at a blank page for hours. Trying to figure out what to say, and how to describe the things that I have experienced was just far too stressful, intimidating, and felt impossible. The truth is, I still don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to put together coherent thoughts of everything that has happened.
Over the past month we have picked up two new team mottos: “plan on it happening, but expect it to change”, and “everything is up in the air, so we stay fly”. Those two phrases accurately describe our two months in Thailand; and as I ride in a small, rickety bus that wreaks of vomit through the vast fields of Cambodia, I laugh. I laugh, but I hold back tears at the same time. Because guys, living in Patong was a whirlwind. It was a two month whirlwind of confusion, fear, anxiety, unexpected things and heartbreaking things. But it was also filled to the brim with love, friendship, growth, and the beautiful hand of God.
Explaining my last two months is a terrifying thought, because guys, I can’t describe how it feels to watch a dear friend go home with a man for the night because it’s her job. I can’t describe how hard it is to show love to a man that buys women like it’s a hobby. Guys, I can’t describe what it felt like to mourn the loss of a great king along with an entire country. I can’t describe the tear that my heart felt when I stood at the Bangkok airport giving an early goodbye to my 6th teammate. I can’t tell you the heaviness in my soul as I stood in the temple underneath the Big Buddha statue and listened to the monks chant. I can’t possibly talk about the weight of Patong, no matter how badly I wish I could. Living in that city and seeing firsthand the lies, the hatred, the heartbreak, the evil, and so many lost souls was almost too much to handle.
About a week ago I heard the heartbreaking testimony of one of the amazing Thai women that I have been blessed to have met. Later that day I sat and I cried to the Lord. “Why?” I asked Him. “Why did this wonderful woman have to go through such pain? Such evil? Such hell?” I blinked back angry tears as I waited for an answer. And almost immediately after I asked, I felt a peace in my spirit. If she had never been through those things, she never would have found the Savior that she loves so much.
This month I have cried out to God, asking why there is so much brokenness. He has answered, reminding me that He uses broken vessels.
This month I have sat in a puddle of my own tears, telling Him that I feel like I’m drowning, that I’m barely keeping my head above water. He brought to me my old faithful; lyrics from a song that He has used numerous times to speak to me, “when oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace”.
The Lord is sweet, and the Lord is good, guys. And wether you are in a third world country, using a squatty potty and eating bugs as snacks, or the comforts of your own home, He’s there. I encourage you to seek Him out.
Patong was hard, no doubt about it. But leaving Patong was much harder than I expected it to be; not because I fell in love with the city itself, but because I fell in love with the people that live there. I felt physical pain having to say goodbye to the women that we befriended at Laundry and Bar. Those girls adopted us as their own so quickly and it was the sweetest thing. I am so thankful for the fun, sweet evenings spent with them; Laundry and Bar was one of the biggest highlights of this trip and will forever hold a special place in my heart.
I am so thankful for the congregation at New Beginnings, for our host family, and for all of the Thai people around the city that recognized us, remembered us by name, and returned our smiles every time we would see them.
So guys, here I am. I just left Thailand, approx. 3 hours ago. I am entering into Cambodia, and am starting to wonder if humans actually live here. (Jk….But really though. Where are all the people.) I would tell you what our plans are for the next month, but I have learned to adopt the mentality of expecting everything to change, so I won’t waste characters. I’ll update you guys on all of that in a week or two.
I would like to ask for continued prayers for my team. A main prayer request is health…out of the two months that we’ve been in Southeast Asia we have not had one full week with all 6 of us healthy. I ask for prayers for the health of the 5 of us journeying to Cambodia, and also for our 6th teammate, who was forced to return to the states yesterday due to health issues that could not be helped here. I ask for prayers of safety and strength. Strength to step out in faith, strength to be willing to experience the inevitable heartbreak that comes with missions, and strength to endure the next month of only squatty potties.

Love you guys, thanks for all of the prayers and encouragement. You all rock.
Victoria Isabelle

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