Have any of you ever vomited rice? If you haven’t, just know that it looks exactly the same as when you ate it (you’re welcome). Vomiting has pretty much been my main agenda for the past week. . . plus diarrhea. . . and a tiny, small little bit of almost non-existent self-pity (guys, I’m pathetic when I am sick). It just so happens that my first time being admitted into the hospital as an adult was in an international hospital. Upon arrival, our contact paced while jabbering nervously in Albanian, “American student needs immediate attention!!” (Poor guy was freaking out worse than a dad!) After 500 ml of NS, in a room cramped with people who made me feel like a museum exhibit, I was sent home (Praise!). You’d think I would be fine after that. Wrong (Cue the world’s smallest violin).
Guys, I am STILL feeling rough and “vomity” and I just don’t feel good at. All. (This is where you’re supposed to feel sorry for me). It’s been like a whole two days!! Why couldn’t I just have gotten better after my hospital visit??
Earlier on the trip, I had a friend pass away back home. It was tough being halfway across the world and unable to mourn with my family. Thank Jesus for my team who really stepped up and grieved with me and made me feel like I was not alone. It hurt a lot. I didn’t understand why she had to be taken from her family so suddenly. God, why did you do this? I just don’t understand. . .
Why does it seem sometimes that things do not go the way we hope or plan? Let me take it a step further and ponder why when things don’t go our way we automatically assume we are entitled to complain and grumble and tell God how things should be done?
When I got saved, I was told by the Bible to deny myself and to take up my cross. Though Jesus is my father, he is first and foremost my Lord. My Master. Him being my beloved Abba and Adonai does not change that I am a bondservant to him. When I denied myself, I told him that I have no rights. I have no say in how or even if I am used in Jehovah’s Kingdom. Who am I to tell an almighty God how to run his kingdom? I am just a tool to be used.
My Father is good. He is wonderful. He is righteous and holy. I can rest in knowing that He has a wonderful plan for everything, even if I don’t understand. He is doing everything out of love and understanding. That is why I can say that even though I do not understand what Jesus is doing, I will trust him.
I will end this little rant/blog/whatever this is with the words of Lauren Daigle. B b. (You go, girl):
“When You don’t move the mountains I needed you to move; when You don’t part the waters I wished I could’ve walked through; when you don’t give the answer as I cry out to You: I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.”
Please keep me in your prayers as I get over this sickness and pray for my team as we come to the last weeks of our trip (sniffle)!
Peace out Girl Scouts!
Karson
