Waiting on the Lord

The course of this trip has been somewhat of a roller coaster. Going from total joy and excitement to the lows of wishing I could be back home but one theme has been constant throughout the entire trip, listening and obeying the Lord and finding patience through that.

I came on this trip with a lot of expectations that in all honesty have not been met and I now know probably won’t be by the time this trip comes to an end. I have found out that my plan and God’s plan were not the same. Because of this over the past 2-3 weeks my journal pages have been plagued by many questions. What is your plan? What is your will? What do you want me to do? What is your purpose? Why haven’t you opened this door yet? Why haven’t you told me I could enter yet? I know you brought me here so why haven’t you given me what you have spoken to me?

All these questions that I kept asking and praying about. I have still yet to receive answers for most of them. What I realized this morning is that I had gotten the answers, it just was not in the form I wanted or expected. In almost every bible study and lesson we have attended the theme of listening and obedience has been present. Intertwined with that is also patience (or the lack thereof for most people).

At first it didn’t make much sense to me but now after continuing to hear this over and over I am slowly starting to get it. Throughout the bible we see many people who chose to listen to the Lord and be obedient to His calling. Something else we often see is that when we have been given instructions or promises have been made we are not very good at being obedient to the Lord and waiting patiently for His timing. We often decide to “be obedient” by taking matters into our own hands.

We see this in the story of Abraham and Sarah who had been promised children and had yet to have any. So what do they do? They take matters into their own hands and Sarah gives Abraham her slave Hagar to bear children. They were not patient in their obedience. They just assumed that because they had heard the Lord and were listening to Him these promises and things were supposed to happen immediately but they weren’t. We see it again with Saul when he is battling with the Philistines. He decides he doesn’t need to wait for Samuel to make offerings to the Lord. He loses patience when trying to be obedient in what the Lord has called him and instructed.

We see this theme repeated throughout the stories. We seem to be good at listening to the Lord and receiving His promises but lack the patience to wait and be obedient to His plan (because being obedient also means waiting for His perfect timing). Instead we have perfected the art of hearing Him and choose to walk blindly into our own plan because we no longer want to wait patiently for the Lord and be obedient to Him.

I have felt this entire trip the Lord leading and guiding me into something. I have received words and instructions but feel like I am continually asking for the opportunity to say yes and be obedient, waiting for the instructions to become actions. I am waiting for the door to be opened so that I can walk through it. I feel as if I am just standing outside a locked door I have been instructed to enter. Asking and questioning the Lord because I KNOW He led me to it and told me to enter but He hasn’t opened it for me yet.

I keep saying that I want to walk in God’s will and that I know He has called me into this area but I have to be careful. I have to be careful not to allow my pride and fear get in the way like those in the bible and like I have chosen to do in the past. Even though I know that He brought me to this door I must wait PATIENTLY until He chooses to open it for me. I cannot keep digging through my pockets trying to make keys and find a way to break through or searching for the secret entrance that gets me there before God wants me to be there.

I must keep my eyes focused on the KINGDOM. Because just like Peter when I take my eyes off of Him I begin to sink. When my patience starts to run out in trying to listen and be obedient to the Lord, when I become frustrated that He hasn’t opened the door yet and I begin to try to open it myself that’s when I sink. That’s when I no longer walk in His will even if my intentions were meant to be good. Even if He promised me and instructed me in these things, even if He told me to walk through the door I can’t unlock it and open it myself and still be in His will and in complete obedience to Him and His plan. I will not allow my frustration, pride, fear, or excitement get in the way. Because listening to these things instead of the Lord leads to my lack of patient and my disobedience and I begin to stray off of His path for my life.

Instead I choose to trust in the Lord (and His perfect timing) and find new strength, soar high on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary and walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:31) and I choose to trust Him (and His PLAN) with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

I want to keep my eyes focused on HIM and His KINGDOM. Continuing forward with patient endurance, not losing my hope and faith and learning to practice self-control. Trusting that He brought me to stand outside of this door for a reason and because of that I will not take matters into my own hands. I choose to trust and wait patiently on the Lord. El Roi, the God who sees me, and because He sees me He knows where I am and what I am going through.

He knows I am struggling and losing my patience in this season of waiting and sitting outside this door I long so desperately to be opened. And because He sees me He comes and joins me in my waiting, He gives me peace with the renewing of my patience. He is teaching me to persevere in my seasons of waiting. He is teaching me to pursue HIS KINGDOM and chase after Him through His word, through worship, and through prayer. He has shown me it’s okay to be frustrated and He sees me in that. He sees me in my questioning and doubt and confusion.

The cool thing is in this season of waiting outside the door I have learned so much about His character and who He is. I have begun to learn why His timing is perfect. He is teaching me and growing my faith in Him. Showing me what it looks like to truly pursue the Kingdom of God without distractions in the seasons of waiting. He has shown me to seek His Kingdom first in these times and all these other things will be added (Matthew 6:33). He has shown me how important it is for me to listen and obey but more importantly in that obedience to have patience and trust in His timing and plan.

So as difficult as it is I choose to trust His plan.

I have heard the instructions and walked to the door but I will choose to wait patiently and be obedient waiting for Him to unlock the door, even if it doesn’t look like what I expected or wanted it too, even if the door is not opened as quickly as I would like. He knows my future and my plans. I will be obedient in all areas including being patient.

I want my life to be a reflection of God’s will. A testament of someone who had complete trust and faith in Abba Father. Someone who was able to learn and be taught in the periods of waiting. A child who was obedient to her Father even when it was difficult and patience were running out. A child who waited for her Father’s guidance and direction and waited for Him to open all the doors. Never opening them on her own, never taking matters into her own hands. Because I serve the creator of the Universe, and His plan is ALWAYS much better than my own.

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
-Psalm 27:14