Little Bible, Big God

When traveling abroad, you always want to pack light. For me, that meant having to decide between my study bible or pocket bible. No problem right? Oh boy, little did I know how different it would be using that little bible.

We are very spoiled in America. Endless resources are at our fingertips. We can even find things by talking to a phone. We are consumed by the words of another. They can come from commentaries, preachers, bible studies, etc. How often do we let the words of another substitute what God could be telling us when we read His Word ?

This is something I have definitely been guilty of. Before this trip, I used Bible studies and commentaries as my main source of God. –Don’t get me wrong, these resources are extremely helpful when treated as extra material rather than the main thing– Instead of trying to read a passage for what it really says, I would turn to a commentary. This basically shut the door for God to show me something new. I was basically saying “I don’t want to listen, I want the easy way out”.

Realizing this now greatly upsets me. Where would I be right now if I had simply been still? I realized that I was putting a limit on God. I wanted him to speak, but I wanted it to be easy and my way. God doesn’t work like that. Yes, He meets us where we are, but he doesn’t want us to stay there. He encourages us to keep moving forward and looking up.

So how does this relate to my life on the field right now? I’ll say this, I’m still learning. Earlier I mentioned having to choose between two bibles. I have never been more thankful to have picked the smaller one. Not only did it make my pack lighter, it took away the convenience of bigger Bibles. Most of my Bibles have a commentary or concordance. The Bible I brought is simply that- the Bible. There’s no commentary or concordance. Scary right?

The first few days were hard because I didn’t really know what to read. I had been readying through the Old Testament so I picked up in Joshua. The next few days went just like that. Soon Joshua turned to judges and so on. I was having such a hard time hearing God. I became so frustrated that I was jealous of my teammates and how they were able to hear God. You can kind of see where this is going.

I began reading as if I knew God wouldn’t speak to me. Worst. Mistake. Ever. This opened a door for Satan to begin filling me with doubts. I knew I needed help to get out. I went to one of my team leaders just to check in. I ended up pouring out everything. But guess what? She didn’t look down on me or judge me. Instead she encouraged me to look for God in other ways.

The next morning was a whirlwind. I couldn’t write fast enough. Before this, I had always seen God in physical things like nature. This time I saw him in my heart. For me, it wasn’t a booming voice, it was this little nudge that wouldn’t give up. I was reading judges and I couldn’t focus- sure it isn’t the most interesting, but I couldn’t even sit still. It was driving me nuts. I finally got so frustrated I closed my eyes and just tried to sit still. I’m still not sure why or how, but a calming wave enclosed me. I felt still- inside and out. I heard this word in my heart but I couldn’t understand. I asked God to calm me and I heard it clearly. Zaccheus. Okay, awesome God but what does that have to do with me?

So remember, my Bible has no concordance or index. I knew the story of Zaccheus was in the New Testament but I had no idea where. I just sat there flipping through the New Testament until I found it. After what felt like forever, I found Luke 19. I had read this passage before but never like this…

Zaccheus climbed in a tree in order to see Jesus. Jesus calls him down by his name. Jesus sees us when we are reaching for Him. Jesus came to save us. He knows our sins, but still pursues us. Zaccheus gave up all his wealth in order to follow Jesus fully. What is my “wealth” that is holding me back?

I realized that I had been a lot like Zaccheus. I reach for Jesus and He calls me by my name. He knows who I am and still loves me. If I serve a God like this- I would be stupid not to listen.