Heal the Heartbreak

“When there is no struggle, there is no strength”

The past few weeks have left me with wounds so raw they hurt to the touch. I have had to make choices that broke my heart and broke the heart of someone I love. But the healing I have seen through that has opened my eyes to how leaving something great can lead to something even greater.

Five months ago, I met an amazing guy who I connected with in a way I never had with anyone before. He brought me the purest joy through endless adventures and countless puppy pictures. I was so blessed to call him my best friend and boyfriend for the period of time that I did. However, sometimes the timing doesn’t work in ways our heart wants.
I left at the beginning of September to travel for three months, and he is now in Spain for the next eight months. It isn’t easy when your heart is torn between the safety of a person and the wild adventure of a new continent. I have wrestled with the harsh reality that although it felt right, it is wrong for this time. I have struggled to understand why an amazing man was placed in my path just mere moments before I was called to a whole new way of life. My heart cannot be both in Spain & in Asia, not when the work I am doing calls for every morsel of love I can muster. I have broken in a way I didn’t know I could, having to give up a love I had no desire to let go of.

But the Lord has called me to surrender.
He has called me to leave behind what I know and what I am comfortable with in order to bring His love to the lost, rejected, and broken. I am coming to understand why He planned to give me the right guy at the wrong time. He brought a beautiful relationship into my life so I could learn how to love so much that it hurts. He taught me how to depend on someone else, so when that was stripped away, I had no choice but to depend on Him. In times when I have questioned why He would tear me from the safety and comfort of home to bring me to a small village in Cambodia, He has reminded me of His faithfulness in the most extraordinary ways.

The morning after I had cried countless tears over love lost, I woke up to the most vividly painted sky I had ever seen. Even in brokenness, I was reminded of His beauty through the reds fading into pinks and oranges that eventually transformed into the brightest blue. When I feel lost and discouraged, I just head over to the orphanage down the road and the shouts of “Tina, Tina!” accompanied by wide-toothed grins reminds me I serve a purpose here even when I struggle to see it. In the past few days, I have danced in the rain, danced as the sun sets, and danced into the night with my team & the children of New Hope. When I feel sorrow, God brings joy. I am able to feel peace in my turbulent soul when I look out over the rice paddies into the endless horizon, or star gaze in the early hours of the morning through my mosquito net. I am reminded daily that He has not abandoned me. He has not taken me out into this desert of heartbreak to have me wallow in my own self-pity. He broke my heart open so there is more room for love. There is so much beauty here, so many hearts to pray over & children to love. This has all happened for a reason.

God has a plan for me. He has called me and my best friend into our own whirlwind adventures so that we may grow & learn & live. Maybe there will be the perfect timing for us one day, but for now we are exactly where we are meant to be. At this particular moment, my heart is all in for the children of Kampong Cham. I am here to love their mud fight soccer games, their endless hugs & their all encompassing laughs. It is all a part of the journey. The loving, then the breaking. Through brokenness grows the capacity to love harder & deeper than ever before.

“The Lord has done this, and it is marvellous in our eyes” (Psalm 118:23)