Glass Full of God

There is a quote from James Cameron’s Avatar movie that has always resonated with me. After being captured by the native Omaticaya clan, the protagonist (Jake Sully) is brought to the clan’s leaders for judgement. They ask why he has come. He tells them he came to learn their way of life. The t’sahik, their spiritual leader, replies that the Omaticaya have tried to teach many ‘Sky people’ like Jake before, but were unsuccessful. She punctuates her point with a sage piece of wisdom:

“It is hard to fill a cup that is already full.”

Now, I doubt James Cameron intended anyone to see that scene in the way I do, but I think the t’sahik’s metaphor is an excellent way to understand living in faith.

Our cups are full to the brim with life’s idiosyncrasies. It’s mayhem: particularly with the Internet at our fingertips, we have so much to do at any given moment. We believe the ‘cups’ of our lives are full and then become frustrated by the idea of squeezing God into it all.

Someone might say “fill me up with You, God!” and really mean it, but all He does is reply “it is hard to fill a cup that is already full”.

That is why so many people, myself included, find God most present in the midst of despair. Dark times empty our cups of every drop, and it is only then that God can fill us up with the Grace and wonderful Goodness unique to Him. If we let Him, He will pour into us more than we can imagine and build us new cups big enough to hold the Infinity He wants to give us.

There’s just one catch: emptying the cup is hard.

I found God and came into my faith during a season of pain and grief. My cup was empty and dry as a bone, and frankly that was the only reason I was able to let go of the pride that kept me from Him for so long.

My struggles were not of God, but He made something good out of them anyway and has since blessed me beyond any expectation. He brought me to my current school, where I have found happiness and fulfillment greater than ever before. He prepared the experiences that readied me for the next request He would make: the spontaneous and specific command that sent me on this mission. However, even though I said “yes” to Him each time, I was progressively losing sight of why I was saying “yes” and to whom I said it.

Let’s be real and honest for a moment: I fought against this mission trip.

Sure, I said “Yeah, okay,” to an explicit command directly from the God of the Universe. He whispered spoken words in my ear, for goodness’ sake. How could I ignore that?

But I have a full cup of the life I built myself at school. I was and I still am terrified of pouring it out. I am clinging to my water in every way I can, because the past two years held validation, self-discovery, fulfillment, and happiness that I never found before then. I treasure the blessings of that season — idolize them, even — and my deepest worry is that having given them up for this mission, I will never find them again.

Before now, I forgot where those blessings came from. I valued God’s gifts to me more than I did the Lord who gave them.

God revealed to me one part of why I’m here in Thailand: to remember how to love Him, not just the things he gives me. For me to accomplish that, He had to take away those gifts. It makes perfect sense, and I know it was done out of the deepest love imaginable.

My emotions weren’t quite as on-board with that as they could be, however. My heart continued to hold on to my life at college all the way from Thailand for a long time.

I sat down in prayer with Him not long ago to talk this over. I wrote down what I heard Him say to me, and it gave me great hope and reassurance:

“You are here right now, on your mission with and by and for Me. Now is the time for you to re-learn surrender in a way that is not the pain of four years ago. You have not forgotten those scars, but you have forgotten that feeling of completion in Me. Learn today to give yourself to Me joyfully, and I can wipe away those scars. To depend on me will not shackle you but make you freed.

“It is your choice that I am giving you to make. I think you know what it is time for you to do. Come for a walk with Me, daughter. Live My path.”

I asked Him for peace over the situation, and He gave it to me by way of an explanation.

The blessings I idolized came from God Himself. He lead me to my school and all the goodness it contains; if He led me to and blessed me with them once, He will do it again. I will always be able to find validation, self-discovery, fulfillment, and happiness with God as my great benefactor. And so today I am no longer afraid of what I have to lose. I am only eager to receive what God wants me to gain.

Cross-posted from my personal blog.