Brutal Awakening

I awoke from a seven hour van ride to the children of the orphanage waiting on the other side of the door ready to take my luggage to the guest house. How are orphans joyful enough to serve me? I couldn’t talk because I didn’t want everyone to know that I was on the verge of crying. Its one thing to know that there are orphans struggling in a third world country, but to see them with my own eyes and be with them as they cheerfully served me, was a foreign feeling that put a funny feeling in my throat. I felt undeserving and I wept.

The next few days I still felt undeserving of their unconditional service and love towards us because I was ready to get the heck out of there. I was drowning in my sweat, I was unable to wash my clothes, my modest pants stuck to my legs passed my knees and my shirt that had to cover my shoulders was as heavy as a wet rag. I was so sick of eating solely rice for every meal and the meat freaked me out because my prideful heart viewed the livestock here as malnourished and dirty. Not to mention the monks that chant through a speaker four times a day, one of those times being 4 a.m. I asked myself “what did I get myself into? I’m not strong enough for this.” I started to wonder how I was going to live here for the next 26 days. (Which isn’t long, but in these conditions a day feels like a full season of life) I was frustrated, uncomfortable, and bored with no where to go for entertainment within walking distance. I was sick of feeling so down that I had to come to a solution. I realized that the truth about my life right now is that I will be here for the next three weeks regardless. I prayed to God every day asking Him to reveal to me how to choose joy, which is so imperative in a third world country!
Every day I woke up, circumstances felt more comfortable and the jet lag wore off more and more. I decided to immerse myself in the children’s culture, thinking it would make time go by faster because it seems to work for them. I started to live exactly the way they live because whatever their secret was, they didn’t feel as miserable as my team and I did. So i would sit in the pavilion simply listening to secular American music from a McDonald’s Bluetooth speaker that belonged to one of the children. (Ive listened to more Justin Bieber this one week than all year back home.) God showed me community. Then I tested how many ways I could use a rope. First, I needed a mosquito net line, then a laundry line, and on a slow weekday it became both a jump rope and a limbo “stick”.
The next day I saw Jacob playing in the grass by himself. He’s a six-year-old that is really hard to make smile! After failing to make a slingshot with sticks and rubber bands for him, i brought down my sharpies. (something I’m more familiar with) Little Jacob’s face lit up when I handed him a marker. He and I drew abstract faces on rocks until a whole group of kids came over to color. I drew a funny face between my left thumb and index finger, then moved it up and down to “talk” to the kids. (Which ended in me scrubbing sharpie off of outside furniture and hands) But at least Jacob cracked a smile. The point is: these children give a new meaning to the “little things” and a “simple life.” They find joy, make joy, and ultimately CHOOSE joy in their circumstances day after day. They spend time talking to one another, nurturing one another, and bonding through art, music, and dominating one another at soccer.
It’s beautiful how they do the simplest most important things in life so effortlessly. Things that are so difficult for settlers of a first world country to find come so easily to children of a third world country — joy, intimate worship, true friendships, quality time, selflessness, serving others, and peace.
Now that I had developed relationships with the children, I couldn’t stop thinking about having to leave In JUST three weeks. Now it didn’t seem like enough time. I felt obligated to stay here and love the kids because they have nothing. But to them, they have everything. They may have been abandoned once, but never again because of their genuine relationships with both each other and Jesus. Which is so evident every church service on Sunday when their worship in Khmer literally brings my team and I to tears. (We can’t even understand what they’re saying!) Their passion is evident in class daily when they SHOUT all the words of “Good Good Father” in English. Because even as orphans, they know who their Father is.
They have more than what most of us have, and what we spend our whole lives trying to find. The emptiness in their hearts have been filled. They love each other without conditions, they take care of one another and they show their love through undistracted quality time every single day and that is ENOUGH for them, they are so joyful with a lifestyle that seemed unbearable to me one week ago. They just get it. They get it more than most people do. They live simple lives extraordinarily.

PS I barely sweat anymore, the chicken here is so tasty (especially mixed with sweet n sour sauce), I have peace about leaving the orphanage when it comes time, and now little Jacob walks up to me smiling ear to ear saying with excitement “Jenna!”

They served me this month when I came to serve them. And now I know what it looks like to serve unconditionally.