This past week or so has both been full of good and bad unexpected challenges. To be honest, I am left feeling a bit out of sorts. However, the truth and character of who God is remains unchanged. For example, my heart continues to unthaw its walls from the love I have experienced here in Cambodia. As time flies by at the orphanage, my team and I fall deeper. Deeper into real community with each other and deeper in love with the community that has freely invited us in. Often times I feel like the kids and people at New Hope serve us better than we serve them. It’s because they know Jesus and love Him so well and it bleeds out into everything they do. With less than three days left in Banteay Meanchey, I also can physically feel the Holy Spirit banging inside my soul (dramatic maybe? who cares). In order to break down barriers I have put up from previous hurt and exchange it with compassion. It is a humbling process to say the least, but these kids inspire me to strive for compassion and the healing power it contains for us as humans every moment I can. Our team has also had to transition into having one less teammate for the remainder of our time together in Southeast Asia- which has made life together feel strange because her absence leaves an uncomfortable and sad emptiness. Especially, when the kids have asked us what happened to her and tell us they miss her. However, the decision for her to go home although extremely difficult was necessary because of health related issues that needed US medical attention. We all miss her but truly believe God is working in all that has happened. Through all of this unexpected change, God has pointed out to me that I have a weak and wavering trust in Him. I don’t trust God where I have subconsciously claimed my own personal authority. Allowing my identity to be guided and set on a foundation of everything and everyone else besides God Himself. So how do I actually get to a point where I really trust God with everything and everyone in my life? I daily abandon the right to myself and surrender to Jesus, desperately praying against my pride and how it separates me from my identity in Christ. For there is nothing to loose but all to gain with Christ and His invitation because of what He did on the Cross. He is not weak, wavering, self-seeking, or insecure like I am but the opposite of all those things. He is our biggest partner and lover in this life! Keep praying, keep encouraging, keep believing who Jesus really is!
