hellloooo everyone!!!! its me- Julia- and as some of you may already know, Im back in America! Before leaving Thailand, I was told that there was a chance that re-entry would be harder than I expected…. well- that was true. As easy as it was to slip back into those silly things (shopping, tanning, exercising, etc.) that make me feel “comfortable,” there was definitely no going around the processing and grieving period. As hard as I tried to avoid the uncomfortableness of talking through my emotions and dealing with the confusion and chaos of being back in a place that isn’t the “norm” to me anymore- I couldn’t. I’ve been home for about two weeks now & I’ve experience a whirlwind of emotions that I would have never seen coming, days before entering my “sweet home Alabama”. Heres a small, brief list of the (annoying) emotions I’ve had randomly unravel…
- impatience
- frustration
- RANDOM bursts of sadness/anger (no exaggeration, totally random)
- confusion (mostly about why on earth I keep crying)
- happy/sappy tears during just about every movie/tv show. (mostly rom-com’s of course)
- jet lag to the 100000th degree (but thank goodness that has passed!!!!)
***disclaimer: I love my family and friends so very much and I love my home- this is just a slightly funny and also accurate description of what it was like for me in the beginning of this re-entry thingy***
So, although these emotions may seem pretty normal to those of you who have had to go through a re-entry process before- I was completely blind-sided. Blind-sided by the comfy bed that I dreamed about jumping into once I got home, and the closet full of clothes I would be able to choose from, and the Chick-fil-a…. oh man, the Chick-fil-a.
But really… On a more serious note- I couldn’t understand why I was filled with such difficult emotions when I was back in the place that I have called home for years. I was easily frustrated for no reason and overly sensitive to just about everything. I tried to ignore the “sad stuff” and honestly it was difficult to even think about my trip for the first few days. After this nonsense went on for a little while, I knew I had to take it all to God. (i know… duh, Julia, duh.)
I laid it all on the table (aka wrote down my thoughts/my mess in my journal) and I let Him totally lather me in His love. I began asking Him to restore the joy He had filled me with during the first month in Cambodia, and the strength and perseverance He planted inside of me in Thailand. I sat on my bed, I cried, I began to process, I prayed, and I praised God for the work I know that He did inside of me over those 3 months I spent serving Him. As I rested in the arms of my Father- I heard Him tell me to stay near to Him.
The first few days I was home, I almost recognized that I was moving a little bit away from Him. I didn’t want to “feel” anything, because of the fear of being too vulnerable or being uncomfortable. (Which is weird because Im usually alllll about the feelings- ugh Im a sappy girl- sorry!!!!) But in this moment, I knew God was calling me into even more relationship with Him. Just because I was home and finished with my trip, doesn’t mean I can’t experience His presence and goodness anymore. He still wants to spend time with me, He still wants me to draw near to Him, He still wants me to lay my burdens down at the cross. Although I may face challenges and difficulties, I know that they are only temporary. I also know that the joy and the fulfillment that I claimed 3 months ago are absolutely not temporary- these things of the Spirit that have been freely given to us, they are ETERNAL.
^^^^ a cute pic of my parents who I love so much for tolerating me while I’ve taken about 100 naps & 200 baths and while I’ve also been a bit psycho lately- hope u two are having fun in Vegas!!!!!!
