I really like my bucket showers here in India. It is rare, quiet, and cherished alone time. The cold water is a nice antidote for the heat. I can listen to my music without headphones. For whatever reason, I usually listen to Dave Matthews Band in the “shower.” I usually come out feeling refreshed and ready for the rest of the day.
Today was different. I just took my last Indian bucket shower. As I turned on my music like normal, it hit me that this chapter in the Still Untitled book of my life ends tomorrow. All of the sudden the once relaxing and familiar DMB lyrics made me weirdly emotional. The cold water was not refreshing, but shocking. The quiet rang loudly in my ears. And the being alone went from feeling good to feeling lonely.
A month ago, I knew that this day would come. I thought I would be getting on a plane to head back to America. A month ago, I told myself I wouldn’t get emotionally attached to my team. I told myself that I wouldn’t let their stories burden me. I didn’t realize that a month ago that I would be grieving this chapter while anxiously anticipating the next.
It turns out I really don’t direct my own steps even when I think that I do. The author of the Still Untitled book of my life wrote this chapter differently than I would have. He also wrote the new chapter that begins tomorrow differently that I would have.
Tomorrow, I will say goodbye to my 19 sisters and one brother in the Delhi airport. I will send them off to America with my most-valued and adored co-leader to go be the change to their home states. The Author will end this chapter with a period and a sentence that I imagine will sound something like, “I didn’t think I would be able to love a team enough to say goodbye and trust that their books (same author) will be filled with countless chapters of beauty.”
Tomorrow, the Lord is calling me to a new chapter in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia! I can truly use the “!” and mean it because I am at peace with this chapter. So much peace that it is starting to translate into excitement! I will be meeting a new team of 9 girlies in the Beijing airport on Sunday and embark as a solo leader to Mongolia to bring the Kingdom to a new place.
I don’t know what this chapter is going to look like. I’m scared, excited, and exhausted all at once. But the Peace That Surpasses Understanding covers me and I can rest assured knowing that the Author is a very, very good writer.
To my dear India team and my new Sielmat Family: thank you for one of the most beautiful chapters of my life. I wouldn’t trade these memories and breakthroughs for anything. I love you all SO MUCH!
To my new Mongolia girlies: I can’t wait to meet you and start this chapter with you. Oh and I love you all SO MUCH already!
To the Author of the Still Untitled: let’s do this thing.
