I sat down on a broken bus seat and my world changed once again.
Life as I had known it for the past month was coming to a halt. I became overwhelmed with emotions at the thought of not returning to the village. I fell so in love with the community and atmosphere, it literally shattered my heart to leave. There are no words to describe how it felt to say good bye. There’s no way to describe how it feels to look an orphan in the face, tell them you love them and then leave them (again). It hurts. It hurts so badly.
Whereas the pain is so real, I’m beyond thankful for the experience Cambodia has offered me. I’ve grown so much as an individual and I’ve grown so much with the Lord. I learned what it meant to love unconditionally; I learned what it was like to live away from my parents; I learned that all fruit isn’t terrible, I actually really like fresh coconut; I learned how to thrive outside of my comfort zone and I learned how to fall in love with a stranger. Yes that does sound strange, but allow me to elaborate. Just merely a month ago I didn’t know a single Khmer person. Now I have 43 new friends, an English class full of kids, and a host family that I’ll forever hold near to my heart.
I’ll forever cherish the sweet times of dancing in the rain, playing soccer at the orphanage, singing karaoke into the late hours of the night, riding the kids home on a tuk tuk school bus and worshiping together with the kids at the orphanage. All these memories will forever be engraved in my mind.
Honestly, leaving the orphanage was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I have such a peace because I know the Spirt of the Lord still dwells there. Yes, it’s hard to leave because I love them so much. But I can’t even love them a tenth of how deeply the Lord loves them. I find comfort in this.
Once we arrived to our guest house in Siem Reap, my team and I were having a time of worship. We were all struggling with leaving and the wound was still so fresh. In my weakness I asked the Lord, “God, why did You allow my heart to break so much for a community that You knew I’d have to leave after a month?”. The Lord spoke this so clearly to me, “I was the one who broke your heart for these people. Allow me to be the one to mend it.”
These words will forever bring me comfort. Yes, it’s hard to leave a community that I loved so deeply, but the Lord isn’t going to allow me to remain broken. He’s going to mend my spirit and prepare me for His work in Thailand. When the Lord breaks us, He crafts us back together far more beautifully than we originally were.
This isn’t a season of heart break, but a season of growth.
Now, I’m on a yet another bus headed to Bangkok, Thailand. We will be here for a few days to get our long term visas and for debrief. After that, we head to Chiang Rai where we will be for the next two months.
I’m so thankful for the time I spent in Cambodia and I can’t wait to see how the Lord uses my team and I in Thailand.
Much Love,
Mer
