“Doubt is not always a sign that a man is wrong; it may just be a sign that he is thinking.” ~Oswald Chambers
I have doubted from the first day in Korat if this three months were what God really wanted for me.
When our ministry host said that we would focus on teaching children’s English camps, all the air left the already stifling room. What happened to women’s ministry? What happened to ministry here in general, when we have an erratic schedule with people in charge miscommunicating? God’s obvious provision led me to this juncture—what happened to the reason why?
As we come to the close of our time in Korat, that day feels years away. I do not know the extent of our effectiveness in this city, and it’s improbable that I ever will, until heaven comes.
Even though I daily doubt my decision to come on this trip (I am in massive student loan debt, and as such I am a 23-year-old living with my parents), I come to the conclusion every day that I could not have made it here without God and His financial and spiritual provision. It’s true. I could not have raised $6,000 myself.
But the question remains…why? Why do we spend most of our hours in coffee shops asking these questions? Why was our sizable team not put to better use? Why, why, why?
I know two things. I did not do this, I did not come here by my own strength. Nor am I kept sane by my own strength, for that matter.
I also know that God honors obedience. It may be months and even years before I see the reasons behind His leadership during February and March 2016. Or I may not learn until I am speaking with the Lord face to face. But as this was Him working (logically it has to be, since it was a miracle), there is a reason.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” ~Proverbs 13:12
He knows all my desires–He gave them to me. I rest in assurance that my desires to minister to women and to actually share the gospel with the lost will be met, because He is a good Father.
Until then, may these last days in Korat before debrief be swift, and may our team feel energized and pumped for Cambodia.
