In the last week I challenged myself to sit down and actually write out my entire testimony. What I thought would be a simple 2 minute recap of the growth of my faith suddenly turned into an 8 page story filled with new revelations and explanations as to why I am the way that I am today. A particularly hard time in my life was brought back to surface (a time I had been pushing out of my mind in hopes of forgetting and a part of my story that prevented me from wanting to tell His story in my life) and God revealed my lack of obedience in Him by my withholding of forgiveness. By recapping details of this time, I was able to see how much of them I had truly repressed from the forefront of my memory but now with them fresh on my mind, I suddenly felt overcome with bitterness and knew these feelings were taking over my attitude and spilling out on the team. I realized in all this time that I’ve been trying to forgive myself, I completely neglected the thought of even trying to forgive the other person. So after this realization, I began struggling with where to start.
So this weekend a few members of the team and I were able to travel to Monterrico, a beautiful beach on the west coast of Guatemala. It was a great time of relaxation after our first week at our new home for the next two months. After spending less than $10 and 4 hours of traveling, we were finally walking around this beautiful beach town. We found a hostel to throw our things down in and headed to the beach. We battled the ocean’s massive waves for as long as we could manage, cleaned up (I use that term loosely), and went to eat at a restaurant on the beach. After reenergizing with some food, we headed back to the sand to admire God’s glorious creation in the dark. We found a spot close to the shore and laid down to gaze at the stars above. I wish I could use words to accurately portray the view we had that night, but I don’t think there are any to do it justice. All I know is God loves showing up for us in the most beautiful, creative ways. We took time to talk to one another and admire God’s beauty together and then time to listen to Him in solitude.
While I was silently staring up at the numerous stars, my attention was being drawn to a single Star in my direct sight. I locked my eyes on It, talked to God for a while about my previous week, and then just closed my eyes and listened. In that moment I saw myself back in the ocean fighting its powerful waves, longing to make it just past the break of the waves into the stillness of the water; except now the waves represented struggles of forgiveness while the stillness represented peace. In order to reach God’s peace one must first step foot into the shore. As a Christian, it has always been easy to make those first few steps just because I know it’s what I’m “supposed” to do, however once you reach the point where the waves break, if you try fighting it, turn your back, or even try to stand firm in your place you’ll be knocked around, falling victim to its power and weight. I saw myself here with wave after wave pushing and pulling me where ever it pleased.
Then I thought back to 3 hours before when we were playing in the water. I knew to prevent myself from being pushed back to shore, I had to dive underneath the waves as they broke. The waves we encountered were particularly strong with some alarming pulls in the undertoe. Underneath the weight of the wave I found myself disoriented at times and would begin to feel for the ground. Once I felt the sand with my hands, I planted my feet and pushed up as hard as I could. After breaking the surface, I would be overcome with relief only to see another wave ready to crash over me. It continued like this until I could get past the break of the waves and once I finally made it there, I was able to relax and rest in the stillness of the water. In the same way, in order to reach God’s peace, you have to continue to dive underneath the struggles. When hard times come and you begin to get disoriented, you have to find your Ground, plant your feet, and push up. Eventually after breaking the surface time and time again, you will find rest and stillness in the peace of God.
I opened my eyes to look up at the Star again and it seemed as if all the other stars had disappeared. I felt this was God’s way of telling me I was not alone in this battle. He would be there for me throughout every struggle with every wave to help me find His stillness. I told you, God loves showing up for us in the most beautiful, creative ways. What I particularly love about this analogy is it can be applied to any situation of life; struggles of shame, worth, guilt, fear, discontentment, temptations, and on and on; and what makes it beautiful is no matter the struggle, God’s redemption brings ultimate peace and rest into the lives of everyone who calls upon His name.
