Joy. The word that God keeps revealing to me during this entire trip. The word I grew up with and was given the name of as a little girl. Because my middle name is Joy, people use to call me Katie Joy. Why did I stop having people call me Katie Joy? Because it was an expectation I didn’t believe I met.
One of my leaders of this trip asked me the question of, “What is one thing you have that you can give your team?” That’s when the word “Joy” popped into my head. I stood there and told her my answer but added how I didn’t believe it myself. She stood there with the biggest smile and stated, “I see that in you.” She then encouraged me to ask God throughout my day to confirm that I can give Joy. So that’s what I did I kept asking him if I had joy let alone was able to give it away.
Then it was confirmed.
The song “You are my Joy” by Will Reagan was captured on repeat in my mind.
I read my Bible. I began to read Psalm 19 and there was the word joy.
I then continued my day while asking God to confirm this. I didn’t think I could always be capable of having Joy anymore because I thought it was an extrovert, always happy not pain type of feeling. With having a hard time with my migraines I didn’t think I had the ability to have Joy within the hard moments.
After our ministry of the day, we were invited and attended a church service. My team and I got our church skirts on and headed over. This church was one huge room with tall ceilings and a medium sized balcony over the front door. Straight ahead is a large stage with many layers covered with different instruments. On the right wall, right before the stage was a steal gated door. This door led to the church’s outside, small courtyard. My team and I knew this place very well because (for one of our ministry days) we spent the day painting, cleaning and organizing this church. The members of the church were all in their best clothes and ready for the exciting night ahead.
One thing I’ve noticed about most services in Guatemala how loud the music is. The music is beautiful but loud. With being guests in this church, my team and I were seated in reserved seating within the first two rows. Two of my symptoms for my migraines are I’m really sensitive to light and sound.
With that being said, one of the things I’ve had to work on is learning it’s ok to leave if an environment that is causing me pain or discomfort. Up until this trip, I was in the habit of sticking out hard situations and just dealing with the pain and discomfort.
Why? Because of the fear of missing out and I hated the idea of possibility drawing attention to myself. By the grace of God, my team has graciously encouraged me to work on taking myself out of painful environments in order to take care of myself. So that’s what I did… or practiced.
I stayed during the discomfort but told God that if he wanted me to leave to make it known. With the tug of leaving but being strong willed in my habits I stayed. It only took maybe 10-20 mins before the discomfort turned into pain. As soon as I felt the pain, I picked up my things and walked out the side door into the church courtyard.
It was peaceful. I stood there in relief and didn’t realize how loud the music really was until I could hear it from outside. I looked around and there was this older lady in a black dress with a gold shimmery cardigan. She greeted me with a hug and a cultural cheek kiss. Even though she only spoke Spanish, she asked how I was and what was wrong. I told her my head hurt so I was stepped outside for a minute. It amazes me how even though there was a big language barrier, the two of us were still able to communicate. In that moment, this amazing women was a comforting blessing to me. If I wouldn’t have stepped out, I would have never had the opportunity to met her and be comforted in such a unique way.
After she left to do her duties for the night, I was left standing there on a cool, breezy night in Puerto San Jose, Guatemala. As I was standing there, I decided to read the Bible because I still had a craving to experience God in a new way that night. I began to skim through some passages until I came to one I wanted to dig deeper into. This chapter was Psalm 19. Completely forgetting I read it earlier, I began reading it and started meditating on it.
Verse 5 stood out and I read it and the verses around it a few times. I began to remember how I read this passage it earlier that day because the word “joy” jumped out at me.
“which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.”
Psalms 19:5 ESV
“Runs it’s course with joy”
I naturally process things by talking or writing. So that night I got a tug to write about the verse and this was what the Lord was pressing on my heart:
This shows how everything can be done in joy. Even in the day to day tasks. They are to be done with joy. I am Joy and I have joy; therefore I am able to do anything with joy. If I’m in pain or if I am not. If I am having a hard day or an easy day… I can still have joy and I am capable of giving joy away. I have joy. Since I have joy I can also give it away. Joy isn’t just an learned thing, it’s a gift from God and a choice to be used. I will give the gift of joy. ??
God was speaking these words to my heart and for one of the first times I was able to grab hold and believe the truth he was telling me. He restores and mends the broken hearts. He speaks truth into tough situations to allow us to be released for the chains of the lie of the enemy.
I’m a working progress just like everyone else and I know God has so much to teach me. I’m excited to experience and see more of the truths that the Lord has in store for me. He has revealed to me a part of myself that I had allowed the devil to convince me that I’m not. I have Joy and I am fully capable of sharing it.
Do you have something that God given you that you have allowed the devil to convince you otherwise? God listens and answers our questions. Are you seeking out the Lord and waiting (with a willing heart) to listen?
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.” ~Psalm 147:3-5
“which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.” ~Psalms 19:5
