I’m Ready to Dance Again

For me, getting over my insecurities is like climbing a steep, muddy mountain. My legs get tired after a while, my calves burn, and I seem to be stuck in the ruts of the sticky earth. But I keep climbing, hoping that eventually I’ll get a glimpse of the top and know the beauty that’s just at my fingertips.

While in India, we’ve been learning a lot about what God wants for us individually, but most importantly–that we’re chosen. That God chose us for this trip. For this team. For this city. For these people.

For someone climbing out of the lies of the comparison trap like me, that concept isn’t an easy one to grasp. There has been a lot of doubt in myself and I am meant to be and meant to do this month during my journey of fully seeking God, but the thing about God is that He gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

After spending time in town and walking back to our dorms last week, I felt myself just falling out of my joy. I was tired spiritually. My heart was heavy and my spiritual tank seemed to be nearing empty.

My feet and legs were also in a great deal of pain and numbness that I couldn’t understand, so as we came inside, one of my leaders, Emma, and one of my teammates, Alejandra, offered to pray over me.

They prayed powerful healing over me, but what caught my attention was when in the middle of the prayer, Emma asked that God take away whatever was heavy on my heart. I hadn’t said anything about the way I was feeling inside that day, so I knew God was revealing to her pieces of my heart. They were internal struggles I hadn’t shared with the team.

Once we were finished praying, Alejandra shared that while they prayed, she saw a box–the kind that you open and there is a ballerina dancing to music inside. She said I was the dancer, but that she also saw rocks inside, keeping the ballerina from spinning around and dancing.

I knew exactly what “rocks” God was pointing out through her, and I could feel tears welling up.

I poured my heart out to Emma and Alejandra in that moment–told them all the details of the weights I was carrying around with me. Alejandra then explained that God wanted to take them from me, but that He wasn’t going to force me to come to Him with them. Emma then also added that even with the rocks, I might be able to still spin and dance, but that eventually, the edges of the dancer will wear thin and won’t functuon properly.

I prayed over this for the next couple days, but it wasn’t until a moment in team time when we were asked to really open up and let the Holy Spirit in that I finally released it all. Let me tell you–that is a feeling like no other.

When we truly take everything and hand it to God and say “take it. Do what you want with it. I can’t do this on my own; it’s for You, God,” powerful things happen.

The next morning, God gave me some verses in Acts. In Acts 3:15, it says “You killed the author of life…” and before I could read on, I felt a blinding sorrow come over me. My sins held the One who filled the oceans, who breathed life into me, to the cross. 

The verse doesn’t stop there, though. If you read on, it says next “…but God raised Him from the dead.” That is my reason for everything. He willingly took my wrongs, my pain, my shortcomings, and He paid the hefty price for them so I didn’t have to, and then gave me hope.

How does it make sense then, knowing that, to ever doubt what our worth is? Jesus showed us very blatantly what we meant to Him. He took the messes and the hatred and the lies and the lust. He took it on Himself, when He had no sin. To Him, we are worth everything. I can only imagine that it hurts for Him to hear me say “No, I’m not good enough.” Because He gave everything to make me good enough. To show me that to Him, I’m worth dying for. I’m precious in His sight.

So, what rocks are you carrying around right now? What’s wearing you thin? What’s keeping you from dancing, from singing praises at the top of your lungs, from knowing your worth through the One who gave it to you to begin with?

Lift your heart up to God, let Him shine light on it so that nothing can hold you back from Him.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to dance again.