On September 1st, I arrived in Gainesville, Georgia for four days of missionary training. I was immediately hit with a wave of fear, anxiety, and the immense, personal truth…
I. Can’t. Do. This.
I cannot continually inflict the pain of “a bucket shower”. I cannot live without constant connection with my people. I cannot utter yet another heart-breaking goodbye. I cannot spend three months in Southeast Asia.
I. Can’t. Do. This.
My heart was heavy. My soul was discouraged. My faith was shaken.
BUT, here’s the thing: my God is a gracious, courageous, all-consuming fire. He has called me to serve the nations, and show them the unconditional love of their Heavenly Father. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. So. What can’t I do?
In those four days, I experienced the Holy Spirit in incredible ways. He broke me. Literally, piece-by-piece, He broke my stubborn, doubtful, selfish spirit and pursued my heart like never before. I worshipped His Name with every ounce of my being, prayed with complete confidence that He heard my pleas, and leaned into Him as a safe, unshakeable refuge. He shattered my innermost being, and put me together until I truly saw the Greatness in His plan for me.
The Devil targeted my fear, and told me I couldn’t do it. He told me I was unprepared, unworthy, unqualified… but God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.
Please know: it took me a flood of tears, four sleepless nights, and 12 hours in an airport to come to the gratifying realization:
I can do this y’all.
I. Can. Do. This.
