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Gods Comfort When Uncomfortable

I now live with 15 people, including myself in Kathmandu, Nepal. I am in the process of learning that stepping over someone else, or waiting in the shower line is my new normal.  God is so purposeful when He has others in fellowship, and it is such a beautiful thing. 15 people on one floor of a four story building — 3 beds, 1 bathroom, one kitchen, and a living space is a learning curve for all of us. Thankfully, we have the four floors plus a terrace on top of the building to roam, but it isn’t unlikely to run into someone else who has that same idea. Personal space is the size of a twin bed, but the joy of having your own space when everything else is shared is such a freeing feeling. I’m quickly observing that walking with someone to a nearby coffee shop may be the closest thing to personal space with conversation that we may experience within these three months. When living with 15 people, my perspective has heightened about all of these observations.

We’ve been here for 4 days, which is crazy to spell out. It feels as if we’ve been here for a longer period of time just solely based on the fact that our days are jam-packed, and probably because I need to get used to everything I’m not used to. First things first, these two feet will be guiding my time here in Nepal as they are our main source of transportation, and let me tell you, I have never walked this much in my life. Walking uphill and in the heat is something that I have never had to experience, yet is a daily occurrence for the Nepali people. Living on a local Nepali budget, your awareness of living in America is completely appreciated. Cold showers (sometimes bucket showers), hand-washing your laundry, and walking everywhere has really taken a toll on me in the sense that my privileges at home are not at my fingertips.

I can feel the “Honeymoon stage” of this 3 month trip wearing off, which is the stage of repeated phrases such as, “Oh my gosh! Look at that!”, or “Wow! We’re really living here!” (Etc). It is finally settling in that I share a room with 5 others, dusty feet and sweating through your clothes 8 times a day are inevitable, street dogs bark at 3am, fresh water is only bottled, and that God is the only reason of how, and why, I am going to be able to walk through these 3 months. There are sweet pockets of space that God allows us to utilize even though our group is so large — for instance, walking next to someone while in a group, or jumping on a top-bunk to chat with a teammate while others are in the room. Doing a temperature-check with some of the 15, we’ve shared feelings that our internal walls are thinning to the point that our external walls are cracking. Our external masks, so to speak, will soon be put down, and hopefully never picked up again. The point in time of real emotions being poured out is coming, and we can all feel it. There’s only so much you can hold inside until there are no more walls to hold up these society-built barriers, BUT that is where God comes in.

God comes in and comforts you where the unknown sits. He is so near, even with each breath you breathe. Sometimes, that isn’t a easy thing to remember.  A lot of discomforts have arose since being in Nepal, but I know that this is where the Lord wants me, and He only wants me to look at Him. Not at all the chaos around me, not at how well I think someone is handling the changes, but only at Him. When I focus on Him, it allows me to focus on the love He has for me beyond all my current emotions and thoughts. His love that He has so graciously shown me day in and day out then overflows to all else. Only then I can be filled up to love others the way that I know He loves me, even in all the quiet moments that I don’t share out loud with anyone else. I did not know what I was walking into when I landed here in Nepal, but God has clearly shown me that He wants me to starve the fear of sharing His truths to others, so that others can be known and loved just as I am. He has taken me out of my comfort zones so that I can stretch and grow in my discomfort. He wants me to turn my uncomfortable limits into new comfort zones so I can continue growing closer to the woman He has crafted me to be. Most times, that is easier said than done, but I am thousands of miles away from home, and God has placed me in this country and in this group for a purpose. I am not perfect, and nor does Jesus expect me to be, but my heart is being prepared to share the love that Jesus has sweetly wrecked me. Stay tuned for the transformation that is about to happen. Xx

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