I write this on the bus as we leave one season behind us and embrace the next. I am so very thankful for every single moment that I was able to experience. Thailand is absolutely breathtaking. It is very hard to leave because I want to be able to see the harvest of the seeds that we planted into the lives of all we impacted. Bronwyn, Noiy, and Taay have impacted my life deeply. It has been wonderful getting to know them and experience the joy they have for the Lord. I pray that our friendship will last until we meet the next time. That could be the next time I visit, or when we are all reunited with Abba on that special day. My family has gotten so much bigger on this trip. I have gained six sisters in Christ. I have been able to experience so many amazing things. I got to teach to so many of Gods children and show them the love of Jesus. My relationship with Abba has never been stronger. I have tried new things. I have loved deeply. I have found my identity.
One of the hardest lessons I have learned is about perfectionism. I have had to face the facts that I will never be perfect, and there is nothing I can ever do to be. Man, that is hard. I learned how broken my heart really is. I thought that I could fix it myself. I did not think I needed the help. I took superglue and used worldly things to piece my heart back together. That left my heart feeling heavy and burdened. I tired to gain the acceptance of others and wore a mask to show I was fine, when I was far from fine. It hurt so terribly, but I have been letting Abba strip away all the glue stuck to my heart. It left me feeling vulnerable and defenseless. It is taking time but He is slowly filling my heart with Him. With Him I feel radiant and light. He took all the baggage I had stowed away. I feel like a little girl with a balloon. I am gripping so tightly trying not to let go. Abba is telling me to “let go”. When I finally let go, the balloon floats up into heaven and it is in His hands now.
Abba is good. He is forever faithful. He loves me deeply. He is my heavenly father. He has made me His. I am His treasure. I am beautiful. I am His daughter. He will never leave me, even if I feel weak, He will carry me through it all.
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am enough.
Even though I feel like we are leaving too soon, I am putting my trust in Him. I am excited to see what He has in store for us in Cambodia. I pray that we are able to plant more seeds that will grow one day into a beautiful garden that will bring Him glory.
“She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.”
