“Remember when this trip first started? Remember when you told your friends, fam, and supporters you would email and blog every week? Remember when one-on-one’s were fun and dealing with conflict a welcomed challenged? Remember when you didn’t grumble about eating white rice with every meal? Remember when waking u at 6am to spend time in the Word was easy? Remember when you didn’t wait to do a month’s worth of finances until the last second before they are due? Remember when working outside in the heat all day brought you a sense of accomplishment?” These questions have been swimming around in my mind for the past week.
Don’t misunderstand me. Thailand has been nothing short of amazing. We live with the most fun Thai family in all of Chiang Rai (possible all of Thailand) at a beautiful children’s home. We spend our days working on the most magical farm in all of the world (I think this actually might be true). The Little Farm is a sanctuary for all kinds of people to come and escape the business of life and bask in the simple. It’s a place for girls who have been rescued out of the sex-trade to come and learn life skills and engage in therapeutic farming. It’s a place for kids with absent parents, forced to grow up too quickly, to come and be kids. It’s a place for local Thai farmers to learn the importance of going organic. We are engaging in the types of ministry that I always saw myself doing. We get to love on women in the red light district, play with kiddos, befriends with girls at a local safe home, eat delicious Thai food, and so so much more. And I get to do it in the context of leading and discipling my team- something that my heart burns for!
It sounds like the dream, eh? So why are these questions still swimming around in my head? Why is it so hard for me to find joy? Why is my mind focused on going home instead of dwelling in the beauty of the present?
The answer is simple… I’ve been raised in a culture that is constantly seeking the next season/thrill/experience. I don’t truly know what it means to be present because my mind (and heart) have been trained to want more (better).
I know a LOT of us have this “future-oriented” mindset and I’m here to tell you what I’m starting to learn…IT’S NOT HEALTHY. It’s causing us to miss out on the beauty of the now. The majesty of every moment. The reality that our hearts are STILL BEATING, yeah guys, that’s a freaking miracle!
In an effort to get my life off of auto-pilot and really live out these next 3ish weeks and the rest of my days on earth I’ve been meditating on this passage:
“And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.” James 4:13-15 (MSG)
I don’t know the first thing about tomorrow, shoot, I don’t even know if there is a tomorrow. So today I will say “yes and amen” to all that is around me. I will turn away from the anxiety that comes with planning tomorrow, next week, and next year, and join in with what’s going on in the world around me right now.
My church at home does something called a “word for the year” and even though we are 4 months into 2017 I’m deciding that my word for this year is PRESENT. Teach me, Jesus.
