Cambodia filled me with joy. As we lived at an orphanage and taught English to 25 children for a month, it warmed my heart to see such passion and excitement in each kid as they were eager to learn a new word or phrase each day.
Over the course of the month, my heart grew so much for these children. Maybe it was the fact that we were literally with them every hour of every day (there’s nothin like waking up to the smile of a child peering at you through a window right above your mosquito net), or maybe it was because each kid there was bursting with compassion, humor, and pure joy. But either way, as I got to know each kid’s personality and story, they stole a large piece of my heart.
As much as I was filled up with love, I struggled with confusion and anger. My heart hurts when I think about the stories I learned about these children’s pasts. They have experienced more war, abuse, and loss at such a young age than most have in their lifetime. I rarely saw a kid cry over a scraped knee or a fall off their bike. They were always crying about a deeper sort of pain. In all of this, I struggled to see the justice of God.
God is a god of justice right? So how is it fair that 25 innocent kids ended up in an underfunded orphanage, abandoned by their parents? Why is this their place in the world? Why do people who actually do bad things get away without punishment while the innocent receive no justice? Through all of the injustice within the stories I’ve heard, and seeing how unjust orphanage systems can be in general, it was a challenge for me to really know if God is a just god.
But this is where faith comes in. Faith is the belief in something that we cannot see. I cannot see God but I believe in him. So why would I not have faith in his plans just because I do not know what they are? As human beings, we love to have a logical answer for why things happen. I would give anything to know how this difficult part of these children’s stories plays a part in the beautiful plan God has for their lives. I want to skip ahead right now to the part where these kids receive justice. But God is so much bigger than I can comprehend. I might not ever see how His plan plays out for my sisters and brothers in Cambodia, but I have to have the faith to believe that because they know, love, and accept God, he will bring them justice.
It was hard for me to be with these kids all the time and not have the power to change the situation they are in. I wasn’t able to wrap my mind around how these precious children’s parents could look at their faces and make the decision that they no longer wanted them in their life. It breaks my heart to think about that. But though their own parents abandoned them, God still looks at their faces and calls them his children. And God cares for his children.
Our last lesson for the kids was the most important one. They learned the phrase “I am”, and words like “loved”, “smart”, “beautiful”, “handsome”, and “important”. Once they were able to really understand what those words meant and accept those things about themselves, the smiles that lit up their faces were incredible. Knowing that about themselves, and believing that God calls them those things too allows them to walk in the freedom that the Lord provides.
These children welcomed us with such grace and it was such a gift getting to know their kind souls.
Please keep our team in your prayers as we serve at our new ministry in Thailand!
