Sick Enough to Pray

I am sick for the fourth time since leaving Georgia. The first time was food poisoning the first day arriving at our ministry site, talk about brutal awakening. Food poisoning and a squatty potty don’t mix well. The second time I got a 24 hour bug, and of course it was on the last day with our students. So if you don’t see any pictures of me with the kids in our classes, it’s because I was busy trying to keep water down. The third time, we arrived in Bangkok and I got a little too excited about dairy. My bad. Luckly that one only lasted a night. And now Im out with a cold. It’s been rough and I’m beginning to think my body disagrees with my motto, “I’m a strong independent woman”. I think my body is living through a motto of, “Somebody help!”. But either way it’s giving me more time on my hands to pray and think through things. When you’re bed ridden in your hammock because it’s closer to the squatty potty, there’s nothing really left to do but intercede.  

So much of this past month has been a really long lesson on intercession. Maybe I keep getting sick because I’m still not quite getting the message. I’m called to intercede. I have this really bad habit of trying to fix things on my own. But I’m realizing it’s useless for me to try. But it’s wise to hand things over to the Lord and fix things with him. To let him lead and simply follow. And sometimes that looks like the only thing I actually do is intercede. That’s humbling. I’m not God. I will never be capable of doing things that the Lord was meant to do. But it’s also comforting. I don’t have to fix everything. I can hand things over to the most capable hands and leave them there. And then I can sit with God and simply enjoy his company. That idea changes the way I do missions. It changes the way I do relationships.

I really struggled in Cambodia if I’m honest. I felt useless on my team, in our ministry and began to feel useless as a person. I couldn’t strive anymore. Everything was stripped. My team didn’t need me the way I thought they would. The orphans didn’t need me to tell them about Jesus, they already loved him. There didn’t seem to be any work to be done. I’d love to say I immediately trusted the Lord and began to just intercede, but that’s not my story. I went to God right off the back, but only to ask him, “Why would you do this to me?” He replied, “I’ll take care of you.” With that I said, “okay”. Still not happy but I went on beginning to just let go and trust the Lord. Then he began to wake me up at night, or tap me on the shoulder during the day and say, “Pray”. So again I said, “okay”. And I would pray. They weren’t extravagant prayers but God began to do something. If not in the things around me, definitely in me. I began to see the need for me to simply give hugs, kiss boo boos, play with hair, dance in the rain, make funny faces, and enjoy the mundane. This last month was not extravagant, it was hard. But it was beautiful. It brought up the ugly things in my heart like pride, offense, and selfishness. All of the things I’d really rather avoid dealing with but am so thankful the Lord brought up so I can drop off. It makes me want to be better. It challenges me to give myself grace and love like He knows I can. This month was hard, but it was so vital.