In the Chaos

Good MORNING fantastic people!

The day goes well as I start this blog. I’m in Kampong Chaing in Cambodia with my team. (Speaking of which, I should probably introduce them. The group consists of 8 people including myself. Our leader is Alleigh who has been on the world race and 3 other passport trips so we have all the experience points there. Then there is Tori, Kayten, Christina, Jenna, Kari, Summer, and of course, me. You will get to know them a little bit through this blog but you should also check out their’s! They are under the South-East Asia Thailand/Cambodia 2018 trip.)
I’ll give a quick recap of training camp before I jump into all that’s been going on here. There were lots of “sessions” which were basically spiritual and communication training the whole time as well as team building activities. For the most part, my team aced all the of the games including the dance-off! We communicate well and clearly, causing little friction between us. I’m super pumped about that. All of us are similar in the way we communicate but different in how we got to be that way. Life stories will be interesting methinks.
They also supported me during the fear episode, wanting God’s plan for me, not just wanting me to stay. One of the girls also expressed similar fears since we got here and again, the whole team is wanting God’s plan for her. Not our own feelings, not our own wants, God’s plan and strength.

Travel day was tiring and the aftereffects are still being felt. We had a 15-hour flight from Atlanta to Doha, a 7-hour flight from Doha to Bangkok, then a 1-hour flight from Bangkok to Siem Reep. Then it was a 4-hour bus ride to the orphanage in our host’s 12 passenger van. I didn’t get any sleep on the 15-hour flight, which left at 1900, so I was slightly delirious during the rest of the transfers. Watched about 4 moves (Sherlock: game of shadows was better than Sherlock) and talking with some of the other teams that we were traveling with. Airplane food was actually flavourful, well spiced and tasty. I don’t know what other people are talking about it being terrible.
Not sleeping on the flights made my body feel terrible and not want to be there at all. Being sleep deprived did not help this as I thought of all my possible escape routes. Needless to say, I didn’t act on any of them and made it to Cambodia safe and relatively sound(not really). The ride in Vandy’s van (our host for this month. The ride is not much remembered as I passed in and out of consciousness the entire time.
We got to the New Hope orphanage at about 1500 and were thrown into everything. Played with the kids and trying to learn their names while barely being able to stand was interesting. It did not help my overall perspective, which was negative, at the time. After English class at 1830, I was whipped. Went to bed at 1930. Then my body said “Oh, it’s time to get up!” at 0300. Ug. With breakfast not until 0800, I was hungry. I called my wonderful Mother, Rachel at 0630 and unleashed my cares. Quickly she set me straight. “You are exhausted. Talk to me once you have had more sleep/are more awake.” As the day went on things went better in terms of gaining a positive perspective.

Overall, the first few days in the orphanage where I’m at are very different then what I expected. Mostly chill as we acclimate to everything which is very different then what I’m used to at Rock Ridge (the camp I work at during the summers) where it is “GO GO GO” all the time. We had a “meeting” with Courtney, a man who works at the orphanage, and talked about the things that need to get done, overarching plan (love the kids), and a bit of a culture lesson. That helped settle me a lot and I realized why I had a bad attitude arrival day. Expectations. All I was concerned about was my survival needs. Sleep, quiet, water. I paid little attention/respect to the things around me.
The fear from training camp had also crept up on me while I was weak with travel. It’s funny how the bad things tend to do that. Target the weak spots. Search for the cracks. Thankfully, I turned to God and he closed that crack straight away. Amazing how he does that. He gave me peace (and sleep) to see what he had given me in all of the “mess”. A leader who realized I needed rest more then I did. Both physical and emotional. A horde of kids who loved to play with complete strangers. A team that supports each other in sickness and in health. A loving God who is patient with my fickle heart.
Just because I am thrown into a totally different environment which feels wrong does not mean it’s bad. It’s just a different way of doing things. Just because I’m used to “GO GO GO” does not mean this laid-back schedule is no good. It just means I need to trust/lean/rest in God more. He knew that I needed a plan and he gave a semblance of one to me.
So I will continue to wait on him, through all my unsettled emotions, through all of my wandering thoughts, through the felicity and the atrocious.
Thank you LORD for being unchanging when everything else is in chaos.