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How to Become the Crocodile Hunter at a Bible Study 101

February 15, 2018 will forever be remembered as the day I ran for my life from a crocodile. It all began in the afternoon after lunch when some of the girls on my team decided to go down to a new found African friend’s house for a Bible study. This friend’s name was Ester which was the book we happened to be studying. I had been debating not going with them because I wanted a nap, but I made popcorn and chai tea and cooked up enough motivation to go and BLESS THE LORD I DID BECAUSE IT WAS SO FUN!

Just to set the scene, Cass, Beth and I had all brought our chai tea along with us in brightly colored plastic mugs because we hadn’t had time to drink it at our house so here are the three of us tracking through this African village holding our bibles and notebooks in one hand and trying not to spill the tea in our other hand. There are kids attacking the whole group(there is 6 of us total) trying to hold our hands which are full of bibles, an assortment of randomness, and chai tea, and then halfway through the walk we get to this super muddy part where there is literally a stream running down the middle of the road and the mud suction cups to your shoes tempting to pull them straight off your foot. Me, being the bright one I am, is wearing Old Navy flip flops. So here we all are, hopping down the road trying to find spots that are at least dryish probably looking like we are playing this weird game of the ground is lava or hopscotch, and oh, also trying not to spill our chai tea. Sooner or later and covered in mud, we make it to Ester’s house which is the prettiest house I have seen in Africa so far with aqua blue walls and perfectly trimmed trees. A group of boys are boxing in the front yard and they stop to grab us seats and we all sit down under a tree preparing to dig into a good old fashion Bible study.

The Lord had other plans to say the least.

You see, when Ester asked if we wanted to see the crocodile we all responded with a resounding “Yes!” that we all might regret for the rest if our lives. I mean, none of us were expecting a real crocodile…like…just chilling… in her backyard. But my friends I have now learned never underestimate Africa. Ever.

So Ester and a group of about 5 other women join us and we begin hiking into this swamp like area behind Ester’s house(remember I am in flip flops) and we get to this large stream that Ester tells us we have to cross. I think that is when I started internally screaming. In my head I am just thinking “I am not about to step into that water if there is a crocodile anywhere near here oh heck no,” but Ester gets a vice grip on our leader Gabby’s hand and in they go with all of us hesitantly following behind them into the muddy water. We all make across alive even though we are all soaked up to our thighs and now smell like the beautiful aroma of swamp water. In front of us is a shabby little path that we begin to follow and then out of no where our guides branch off it into the tall swaying swamp grass and then they all stop.

And there…

There…

40 feet away from me…

is the biggest reptile…

I have ever…

seen.

This thing has to be at least 10 feet long and it’s just chilling razor sharp teeth and all by this dinky little stream. Of course I, being a typical millennial, wipe out my cellular device to get photos and video same as the other girls cause whoaaaaa. So here we are snapping pictures and laughing and giggling about the crocodile in front of us when the group of boys who were boxing in the front yard decide to join us looking at the crocodile as well.

WARNING: THIS NEXT PART IS WAY I DO NOT TRUST BOYS! THEY ARE THE SAME EVERYWHERE YOU GO AND MAKE BAD DECISIONS! LORD HELP THEM AMEN

So one of these boy geniuses decides to pick up a brick sized rock and THROW IT AT THIS HUGE REPTILE THAT COULD KILL AND EAT US IN LIKE .2 SECONDS. And I swear I watched this rock go through the air in slow motion and hit right next to this massive crocodile. And this monster freaks out, launches itself into the air and BOOM I AM GONE! I AM OUT OF THERE! It was an honest free for all, just pure survival of the fittest, a complete mad scramble through the muddy swamp away from this beast of an animal with razor sharp teeth that could dismember me in seconds. I don’t think I have ever ran faster in my life and I was in freaking flip flops! I have no idea how I didn’t faceplant and die a horrible death in that African swamp, but all I can say is bless the Lord.

So here I am running still internally screaming, probably externally as well, and I get back to the part of the stream we crossed earlier and Tyler has been running next to me this whole time screaming/hysterically laughing even though I really don’t think she had any idea any of it was coming out of her mouth. The African ladies and the rest of our group are behind us and I am just like “Dude there is no way I am crossing this stream with a freaking crocodile God only knows where,” but Tyler grabs my hand and drags me across the shallowest part we could find to the other side and that is how I ended up at a Bible study covered in mud, sipping my chai tea, smelling like swamp, and my heart pounding so fast it was on the verge of a heart attack because Africa is never to be underestimated. Ever.

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