For This Reason

‘For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and earth is named, that according to the riches of glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to power at work within us, to him be glory in church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.’ Ephesians 3:14-21 

It is easy to forget or ignore God’s divine sovereignty. A few weeks before this trip, I began to feel weary about going, and started to doubt my ability to serve, love, and share the gospel. This forced me to believe that I was not wise enough, or even good enough to represent the name of Jesus in these countries. 

My thoughts above were formed as if the gospel never existed. As if Jesus did not pay the most costly price on the cross to set all who claim He is Lord FREE. Free from bondage and the chains of sin that consume our lives otherwise. Meaning that we no longer have to be slaves to sin, but can live in the freedom given to us. These thoughts were assumed on the basis that I hold any power, ability, and wisdom separate from what God has generously given and prepared for me. God wants to use every single one of us, even if we do not feel equipped, because it is not determined by our own preparation, but by His power and sovereignty. He can use anyone, but He gladly chooses us individually, no matter how broken we think we are. He wants us to be apart of His great commission. Through this He teaches us more about who He is, who we are, and the world around us. The enemy tries to feed us lies to hold us back from God. Such as the lie that we could never be used by God because we are just not holy enough, when God has the most insanely joyous plans for you and me. It’s crazy because satan knows fully of our grace, forgiveness, and love given by Jesus, and would do anything to make us believe that we are still enslaved by our anxiety, shame, and fear. Thank you Jesus that our inadequacy and longing for eternity is made complete in you. That we do not have to rely on ourselves or fleeting things anymore. We are made new. 

As we finish our last week in Kampong Cham, at the New Hope for Orphans orphanage, my heart hurts to have to leave the kids and friendships made with them. It has been beautiful to see the kids come out of their shells. Leaving this place is going to be so hard. I was concerned that their peers would not love them as much as I do, and felt guilty leaving. But God reminded me that the love that I have to offer is cheap. I have only been able to love these kids well when filled with the Holy Spirit. And what rich, all-encompassing, unending love God can give to these kids. I rest in knowing that He can love them an infinite amount of times better than I ever could. And if He used me to love them, how much more will He use their peers. I am so thankful that Jesus is their savior. 

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