I thought I had expectations coming into this trip. I do not think I did. The three days at training camp were crazy. Camp focused so much on the Holy Spirit- which has never been emphasized before in my spiritual life. Now out on the field, I know why… We do not have much out here to work with or refer to. No internet to reference, look up, or clarify scripture has been pretty hard to work with. But it also makes me learn the Bible on my own (which I have been wanting to accomplish).
During training camp I realized my purpose for this trip is to love God and trust the Holy Spirit. I had never realized before that a lot of my love for God has been inward focused. For example, I want a miracle to be worked through me, so I can say that I was part of the miracle. Or I want God to talk to me like other people.. One of my teammates sees visions so clearly, which I am jealous of.. I want that to happen to me. I remember sitting on the floor being angry with God that I prayed for visions and He would not give me visions. After talking with that teammate later I realized He speaks to her through visions because she is an artist. My mind is so logically oriented. God is not going to speak to me in a way that is ‘radical’ because my mind is not radical- it is logical. God speaking to me in equations was suggested as my personal way of understanding God.
Love God Recklessly:
Understand that God made me different than everyone else and He is going to speak to me differently than everyone else. I have learned that there is not formula to how God speaks!!!
Through the Holy Spirit in me, I need to take risks. We are so afraid at doubting that we are afaid of expanding our faith. I will not lose intimacy with God by trying to expand my faith. I was super frustrated with God and I told God I was going to start rapidly naming off books of the Bible and when I stopped being able to do them quickly, that is the book He wants for me. I ended up with 1 Peter. 1 Peter 2 was resonating in my mind. I opened there and the very second verse was what I needed. 1 Peter 2:2 “Be done with all deceit, hypocracy, jealousy, and all unkind speech.” Jealousy rang out to me. Stop trying to relive other’s experiences.
After this I was given a notecard by one of the volunteers with my name on it. It said “Be bold. Embrace the moment. Set advised distractions. Equip the authority of the Holy Spirit. Be genuine.”
During camp we also participated in a form of art worship. During their time we were free to paint.
*I will post a picture of it when I get one*
On the side it says the light comes from His hands. Yellow and orange-like the sun. Life. But the Lord created me to be wild. I do not need to be and live by a book. Be Me. Ask God. Be wild. The light is orange and yellow, but it changes unexpectedly to blue green and purple.” I have been reminded that everything comes from God’s hands, it may look differently it may go in a different direction or be a different color, but that’s Gods point. He makes all of us differently, but that does not mean any one person came more from God then any other person.
There have been so many parts to the equation of God loves me. Be wild in that knowledge.
1 Peter 2:2 “Be done with jealousy
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Equip the authority of the Holy Spirit
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Be wild
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The Holy Spirit in me is going to work through me how it needs to, as long as I allow Him to do what He needs to do through me. God does not call the equipped; He equips the called.
